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I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to have this empty space by my side. I don’t want to wait for a phone call I won’t ever get. I don’t want to cry. I don’t want to cry…… I'm so tired.
How hard can it be to have someone who loves me? Will it be possible some day to receive a hug or two or three and be sure there will be a fourth?
Why is it nothing but just a dream for me to love someone, and to be loved?
Come on! What’s wrong with me? I’d love to know where I am failing.
I meet a guy, I believe in him, I think it might be him, he is not…,and all over again and again. I meet another guy…………he’s not.
Well, if being loving and nice doesn’t work, one night standing will.
Actually, it is more or less what most men want from me, so it won’t hurt if I behave the same way- heartless- just pure sex and that’s it, and then bye bye, so long aurevoir, arrivederci, adeu, sahionara, auf wiedersehen. Right?
Oh yes! You are so pretty. Can I see you?
Oh, sweety,how come you don’t have a boyfriend? You are gorgeous!
You are so funny, I love spending time with you.
Let me ease your heart. Trust me, please.
Blah blah blah, same old story, same results, same loneliness.
Just -Iwanttogetlaidwithyou- hidden men bullshit.
One night standing will probably work for me from now on. No harm done. No tears. No nothing.
I can manage that. I can be one step ahead, and say adieu before they do it.
I can also learn some nice and attracting lines to fool them.
Oh yes, I bet I can.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
One Night Standing coming soon.
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24 thought(s):
No dearest friend you shall never be an one night's stand for me in my heart. You are a woman with substance, never degrade yourself with such thoughts. If I was nearer, I might have even hugged you a fifth time and maybe more. For you are a friend who has got light to my eyes when I was running through a depressed patch. You are a wonderful being and shall ever remain so in my heart. Forever and ever mine.
"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs." Mat 7:6
I want you to think of yourself as precious. You already do...good. Well, my precious one, you can't do what men do because men will still be who they are in the end. Most men don't care if you tell them to leave after sex. If that was all they wanted then what you say will be welcoming like Christmas. :)
You are beautiful and judging from your words and greetings you seem like a beautiful person on the inside. I pray that someone will come to you one day soon. He will love you like you've never felt. Big Big hugs and kisses to you. xoxo
Good to see you at my blog. I thought that you'd lost the way. :)
Well, I must say I knew I was going to be called down as soon as I pressed "publish post" :(
Sorry, I wrote it under an outburst of loneliness and anger. What can I say...I know I won't do such thing.
Stephen, I loved your words. Very encouraging and I'll keep them in my heart to remember them before acting. Blessings
Sandeep, I have a pretty clear idea of who you are. You are my dear friend and you always care about my heart. xoxoxox
Dear dearest one-and-only Ani.
It made me think just one thought. Then I read Stephen's words and realised that he had said it already. Thank heavens for him and bless him. But I still have the first thought, which serves to add on to what he wrote.
The answer to a lot of those questions is that you are a woman. Simply that.
On either side of the line that divides us, there remains much to understand and learn. But as long as the men who treat you as they do treat it as a front line in an eternal war, because of their conception that they must express not only their virility, but their power over woman, over all of nature and that their journey through life amounts to nothing but a struggle for more conquests than losses, then they will not learn that they lose every single day. And that they are small. And that subconsciously (and too deeply for most of them), they hate themselves. It is on this primitive basis that we have real conflicts, real bloody wars. They adapt the rules of the war-game against women according to how you develop and progress.
It might look one thing; but it the same as in all patriarchy. Clearly, it is still there.
Take it easy, go with eyes as wide open as your heart.
And remember - in case you forgot -I who write such contemptuous words on the male section of the species am also a man, no more no less.
And heartfelt thanks for coming over to mine. She is doing better than before the test, and the worst fears were unfounded, it seems.
Love you,
Stewxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Stew, my dear friend: I knew what you were going to say about my post way before you entered here :) I know the kind of friends I have and how much you struggle to take care of me (difficult task indeed). Thank you sweety. Now, about Ana, I'm so happy she is doing better and I know little by little she will be fine. She deserves it.
xoxoxoxoxoxox
To the ones who have come and the ones still to drop by...
I know my blog-family so well...Wait! Why did I say my blog family? I meant, MY FAMILY out there. My friends.
I know there are still some other members to come, read and comment on what I've said. I feel I'm sitting on the floor, head on my knees, listening and accepting barely audible that you are right. I know you are right and I'm ashamed. And I don’t feel you are scolding me, but giving me the invaluable support of a friend…. The kind of support I need not to fall down. The best words in my worst times…. words that are said while touching lightly my hair with your loving hand.
I will raise my head and stand up, but meanwhile, let me stay here just a little bit longer. I still have some tears to cry and a soul to wash. After that, I will be fine.
When things go wrong there's at least one thing: your new template on the blog is wonderful!
Template never forsake us! Well, it's not that true, but let's pretend it's ok!
And there's always Spacechili to laugh at.
And sex can be enjoyable too
SO Cheer up, Ani!
Blog friends are always here to read from you!
;-)
Fab
Dear Ani,
Those lottery guys are a bunch of incompetents. One of these days I’ll ask them if they want me to do their job :)
I’m joking but I’m not happy... not after reading your post. I’m not the right person to give advice... also not too good with words... all I can tell you is that, after some huge disappointments, I decided not to expect too much and then it happened: I’m happily married for 13 years (wow, that long?). Just want you to cheer up and, just in case... renew your passport cause those guys can’t miss eternally :)
Besos,
Carlos
Mi querida amiga, estamos en las mismas..
Quiza un dia,...
Todo llega a su tiempo dicen.. oyes!! pero como tarda,..jejeje
Analia, te mando mis saludos y un enorme beso.. Leyla
Carlos, a friend doesn't have to be good with words, he has only ti be around....and you are. Well, if it worked for you, it may work for me. I won't expect too much either :) Xoxoxoxox (my visa is ready)
Leyla, quiza un dia...seguro que un dia, ya lo verás.
Gracias por venir siempre a visitarme (aunque te tenga que jalar para aqui jejeje) Te me cuidas amiga. Besitos xoxoxoxox
Oh Ani you beautiful soul, can I come sit beside you for a while for I too have had the same thoughts, but realise its just part of the process of healing, the anger that covers the hurt that we so want to avoid. Even men wouldnt send a wounded soldier into battle yet we women do this to ourselves..Your worth more and you know that as I am.. so my dear soul sister,lets heal and not let join in the destruction, that loving part of you is so precious, its attractive, but keep it safe, treasure it and save it for that special one whos looking for you too. xxxxx Auds
Come visit when you have time and remember to look in that mirror and love who you are, you are the most important person in your life xxxx
A good sister always has a good word Auds, and I know you are right. I won't fall on my knees because I'm a fighter. I promise.
My legs become weak sometimes and I think I'm falling apart, but there's something inside telling me, just a little more step, go go go....and I keep on walking through the right side of the road.
xoxooxoxoxo
Fab!Spacechili rulesssss. I loved it. I really appreciate your visit. Thank you my friend.
Remember this Ani? Perhaps its learning the difference between love and selfish attachment,and not allowing it to happen to us..xxx now lets dance in between the tears theres time for both x Auds
On Pain
Kahlil Gibran
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;
And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.
And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.
Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquillity:
For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,
And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears.
Hello Dear,
You're fine & we all care about you :-)
Kisses, hugs
Dear Analía: We've been gossiping throughout your blog and were stunned by the manner you can express your inner feelings so openly. Here's a warm hug from your colleagues and friends who will hopefully see you and get to hug you personally tomorrow. Love. Ale, Laura and Carla. By the way, I've just created my own blog with the precious help of my dearest friend Ale. Read it from next week on for it's empty now. C u 2morrow
Besos.
Mar
Mar, que gusto me da tu visita! Muchos besitos para ti tambien.
Carla, welcome to our blogger world. Gossiping? colleagues gossiping? I can't believe it! LOL
Hugs and xxxxx
Nikon, be my Valentine :)
Excellent posting, Analía!
Nice music, thank you and have a good weekend
Very nice post raising a lot of questions of differing perceptions. Life is certainly a matter of individual expectations that are hard to trace to the source. Many think that that mssing piece to make us whole is that other person. But is it always so...as we enter into merging two expectations and perceptions? Are we looking for the right things in the right places? Relationships are wonderful as two align in a loving partnership. Giving of each other to me is the most improtant part of this eternal partnership. It's incredible to watch it grow...to anticipate their thoughts, saying I love you often, seeing the emergence of one entity from two. A compassionate relationship for me starts with a common vision from an initial growing friendship into eventually intimacy. Clearly someone who finds you with mutual interests has the opportunity for a wonderful journey. It will happen I'm sure and that person will be a very fortunate soul indeed...just let it happen...best of wishes and warm greetings.
oh my sweetheart, wish I was near you to comfort you when life is difficult...i know what loneliness is...but you're still young, your time will come, sure it will...
Ehy Ani, how are you?
Just came for a visit.
See ya
Fab
Quien dijo que la vida es fácil?.(Me da pereza escribir en ingles).
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